Sunday, October 19, 2014

An entry from a Diva's Journal

Dear Journal:

Hope you're feeling well with all the thoughts I've bombarded you with over the past several months. Me? well I'm getting better every day.  Today was a good day.  I woke up with nervous energy, and you know me when I get that feeling I have to move something before something moves me.  I have to gain my balance before I fall. So I went running.  Yep. Running.  I intended on running two to three miles, but ended up running five.  I'm impressed with myself; that's a lot coming from a person who is not easily impressed with anyone or anything.

I realized some things while I was pounding the concrete today.  I realized the mind will not negate what the flesh is willing to do.  And the poor heart, it just sits there in the middle trying to evenly distribute crazy and sane and remain upright all at the same time. 

I also realized absence does not make my heart grow fonder.  Nope.  That shit doesn't work. Absence make my heart feel nonexistent, cold and unattended. I'm warm blooded, I have a relatively higher blood temperature than usual these days.  Maybe I'm shape shifting and taking on animal ways.
Either way  I have to convert my feelings into energy.  My heart can not be left alone.

I realized a lot of things during those 10,000 +/- steps today.  Most I will not share, but one last one I will.  It's o.k. to not have everything together all the time.  It's good that I understand and know who I am.  I am a woman who has, not a woman who needs.  

Tomorrow is not promised to me.  The rest of the evening is not promised to me.  So while I am in the land of the living, I promise myself this one thing, I will live, I will accept me for who I am, and I will not apologize for it. I will believe in me, I will accept the me that makes mistakes and I will learn from those mistakes.  I will be me, and no one will be better at it. I may be purring now, but just wait, you will hear me roar again.

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