Monday, March 2, 2015

Taking Back You. Your Time And The Right People.

I’ve heard the saying “If you’re an eagle don’t hang with chickens cause chickens can’t fly.”  There’s another saying “Don’t spend major time with minor people.”  What does this mean? I’ll tell you.

We all have people in our lives, directly or indirectly who will either celebrate you or castigate you. The people who constantly break promises, lie to you, crush your dreams, demean you, deliberately diminish your potential, anyone that will cause you to remain in the line of hurt right behind them, are the canker sores of your life.  They are making your life painful and miserable, and if you don’t break the tie that binds, they will kill your spirit quicker than Clorox kills odor-causing bacteria.

Most of us ignore the people who are causing us pain. We just focus on the pain, hoping the people who are causing the pain will realize how they are hurting us and have some sort of empathy about it.  Nope.  It doesn’t work like that.  We have to look at the person, and see what they are choosing to operate in.  Look at how they are choosing to be a part of your life.  It’s their choice, and this will eventually force us to choose how we respond. We have to make the painful (and sometimes not so painful) choice to cut them loose. It took me a long, long time to realize this.  I had misplaced values of myself.  I was a brick wall badly burned with bricks missing, somehow still determined to stand. I had to make choices, and those choices left me free from the bondage of judgmental people who didn’t reflect the same values, interests, goals or ambitions as me.

I am a person who values connection.  When we click, we click. When we are friends, I value the interpersonal bond and association we have.  Look the word friend up in Merriam-Webster and my photo is right next to it, I’m not kidding! 

I remember a long time ago someone told me my address book would greatly change every year, and they were not lying.  When people walk out of my life now, I let them go, believing and knowing it is for the best, for both of us.  I use to associate the act of people leaving me with my self-worth.  Yup, like maybe I’m not worthy of being this to them, or that to them, in actuality, it’s nothing more than the time spent between you and them has come to an end, nothing more, nothing less.  It’s over. Things end, and this is probably one of them.  

I’ve learned that it is okay for people to leave.  I will be disappointed, and they’ll be disappointed in me. We will outgrow people in our lives, and sometimes people will outgrow us.  Okay so what’s next?  Where is my journey taking me now?  Those are the questions I had to ask myself and I had to learn to replace the doubt of my self-worth with the answers to these questions.

I am happy to know that God has given me people I enjoy, who love and appreciate me, and who encourage me to improve in healthy and exciting ways.  They make me feel more alive.  They embrace who I am now, but they also embrace and embody who I want to be and will become, unconditionally, and me?  I reciprocate every last one of these kind and loving gestures, 100%.

Yes, it’s also important to be to people what you are expecting people to be to you. Be that friend that lifts them up and makes them smile.  Be that person that gives them different perspectives. Be that friend that lovingly points out when their outlook is a little skewed. Be the YOU to them that YOU want them to be to YOU.

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