Testimony Tuesday. I AM.

These things I declare and decree.  I testify to the goodness of my Almighty Creator.  My Father in Heaven.

I am Courageous.  I am Whole.  I am Unstoppable.  I am Confident.  I am Victorious. I am Forgiving.  I am Love.  I am Loved.  I am Grateful.  I am Blessed. I am Authentic.  I am Determined.  I am Generous.  I am Gifted.  I am Strong. I am Kind.  I am Anointed.  I am Highly Favored.  I am Successful.  I am Able.  I am Healed.  I am Powerful.  I am Prosperous.  I am Healthy.  I am Fruitful.  I am Beautiful.  I am Respectful.  I am Respected.  I am Compassionate.  I am Fair.  I am Honest. I am Reliable.  I am Giving.  I am HIS.  I AM.

Happy New Year

                     Welcome to 2017

I'm a Reliable Realist

1. Being around lots of people drain my energy
2. I thoroughly enjoy solitude
3. My circle of close friends is small; like the circle on the bottom of a coke can small.
4. I'm often mistaken for shy
5. Too much stimulation leaves me feeling distracted and unfocused.....
6. And the list goes on

I've known for quite some time that I possess an introverted personality; however it is commonly said that introverts and extroverts are often viewed in terms of two very extreme opposites, but  most people lie somewhere in the middle of the extroversion-introversion range.  Nope, not me,  I am not part of the "most people" category described here.  I am 100% introverted.  No need in pushing the envelope, it is what it is, what you see is what you get. Or is it?

I was doing some reading this morning, and I came across this blog (I love blogs) called The Introvert's Dilemma  Get this!  A blog by an introvert for introverts.  Savvy! One of the posts from 2012 was titled The Reliable Realist.  So here is where my mind wonders.  Is reliable realist a term used for when you're in the middle of the introvert-realist spectrum?  My inquiring mind wanted to know.

Brent, the author of the blog listed a free 41-question personality test he found on 41Q.com   It's interesting I will say that.  Check out my personality type:

Check out my career suggestions:

While in no way do these personality tests define who I truly am (you'd have to know me to know how I define who I am ) they're  fun for me, and sometimes there is a tip (or two) I take from it that will prove to be useful.   If you take this p-test (lol, that's what I'm calling it) share your results, let me see em!  Test away.

Transformation

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”  ― Steve Jobs

 I have this quote from the American Inventor Steven Paul Jobs on my desk.  Today I saw it; it's been there for five years, in the same spot, but today I saw it.  I read it, and it finally hit home.  I've wasted much of my time in 2016, I dare not repeat this same damaging mentality in 2017.  Even though other's opinions matter little to me, they've still had an impact on my thinking.  

When my children were babes, and trying to navigate the world according to their little version of it, I would say to them "watch your surroundings."  I find myself telling my grandchildren now to "watch your surroundings."  Shame on me that I've somehow given this advice to them for all these years, and I haven't taken it myself.  Enough is enough; I'm now watching my surroundings, which sadly includes watching who I allow to grace me with their presence.  I'm closing the doors now of others perceptions, reactions, intentions, etc. 

I'm responsible to myself for myself now.  Adrienne Rich once said “responsibility to yourself means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and naming for you; it means learning to respect and use your own brains and instincts; hence, grappling with hard work.”   By nature, I have an introverted temperament.  I want alone time, I need alone time. When I say "we're done here, we're done here. And I can do this all day every day. Now that I'm older, I have come into who I am, and Whose I am, I love me for me and I don't apologize for it.  I have no tolerance for BS. None. 

Remember the advertising slogan "Think Different"?  Well it has become plainly clear to me, that it's time I start to do so.  Think differently so I can transform my life.    

Raising My Own Awareness

I am going to stop entertaining your dumb shit.  All its doing is creating complete disorder and confusion, resulting in more loss of my peace.  I’m going to stop being stuck on whatever the hell kind of stupidity you’re attempting to release into the realm of calm and gratitude I’ve chosen to be a part of.  

Get the hell out.  You don’t belong here.  You can’t even mentally afford a membership. You’re not stable. You’re prone to change, fail or give away at any minute.  You’re rocky, wobbly, and volatile, you’re playing it close to the line of being deranged, demented, unhinged, and mentally disturbed. 

I swear I keep ignoring the signs. I see you coming a mile away. See because even though you believe you’re tiptoeing with all the drama you bring, it’s quite the contrary. You noisy as hell. You’re a vampire, just waiting in the dark to suck the life out people, and leave them for dead.  Cause you’re dead.  Sure you’re walking around breathing, but you’re dead.  You’re no longer alive mentally. You’re cruel, unfeeling, uncaring, cold, lifeless and miserable. That’s not the sad part; the sad part is you don’t even realize it.  You just keep waiting for somebody, anybody, to make you come alive again just by walking along side you in your foolishness.  Somebody to okay your unacceptable behavior.  

Oh did I mention the foot soldiers that started your journey with you are growing increasingly tired and noncommittal?  Why?  Because like others before them, who were once advocates of your crap, they too are growing weary from the lack of love and support you are now showing them.  They’re almost crawling on all fours from the stench of your attitude.  You see because you are the head, the body that is following you in your mess is decaying, and there’s nothing you care to do about it.  Your cheerleading squad is slowly dying off.  Their moves are weak.  Their two-legged stunts, and high flying basket tosses have turned into a mere pitter-patter. Your mask has come off, and you bout an ugly MOFO.

So where does that leave a fool like me? I now again have to press restart on my odometer.  I have to push pause and realize that God does not give me my peace to lose it to foolishness. Now I have to go backwards and gather myself so I can move forward.  I fell short.  I digressed a little from His original plan. I’m grateful He didn’t allow me to drift very far from where He started me.  So in no time, I’ll be back up. I will ascend, and once again mount up and rise to the occasion. This is my Public Service Announcement. This is my message. This is me raising my own awareness.      

A Love Letter from a Diva's Journal

Love Letter #5

Hello.  It’s me.  I hope this letter from my journal finds you doing exceedingly well.  I felt a strange feeling this morning; at first I didn’t understand, but then it all made sense.  I’m thinking of you.  It amazes me that still I can hardly find words to describe how much I miss you.  My heart doesn’t ache like it used to, but there are subtle longings for the closeness we shared.  

A lot has changed in my world.  There have been some exciting additions, and some” long time coming” ends to several relationships, a major exodus. Oh I’m fine.  I’m really good, because in spite of the ending of some unhealthy yolks, there is still room for love in my heart, and that’s a good thing.  

You know what I finally did?  I let go of my past.  For good.  I have confined within the depths of my heart to never allow the baggage that has tied me down for so long to consume me ever again.  I feel alive.  I can breathe.  I feel my heart beating freely.  I think I’m entering into the abyss of happiness, where I hope to forever reside.   I’ve been hurled into the sunlight, and the warmth from carrying around what you taught me about love has forever changed me. I’m indebted to you.  There’s no one in the world like you.  The mold was truly broken, and I’m happy to say, I was blessed to have loved you. You’re a special creation.

Extreme joy is cast upon me every time I think of you.  And I wanted you to know this. I loved you like I’ve never loved before.  I love you dearly.  I’ll love you for eternity.

Loving you still.

-TJD

Hey Love. I have a Question.

Hey love.  I have a question that maybe only you can answer. The question is do you love,  really love me? I thought I knew the answer. In fact most days I really feel as if I do know the answer . But then there are some days that I have a question that only you can answer and that question is  love,   do you really love me?

Here lately I'm beginning to wonder. I have wonderful friendships in my life, I watch them flourish on a daily basis.   So instead of questioning myself, or the friendships I have, I think I should just ask love directly. So, love, do you really love me?

Now I know enough about you to know that you can make me feel as if I'm the most loved person in the world,  you know, like you love me the most. Then again, when you're not around and I can't feel your presence, love, do you really love me?

You know me. I know you know me. You've touched me. You've caressed me. You've held me. You've watch me grow, you've watched me shrink smaller then grow again. You've even failed me. But love, do you really love me?

I'll be waiting love patiently to hear from you. Let me know.  If you Love, really love me.